Jets’n’Guns Gold Review! Hardcore Shoot em Up Bullet Hell Game Ripped Right Outta 1992! Hardest Game Ever Made?!

Jets’n’Guns Gold REVIEW

Steam: Jets’n’Guns Gold

– 50% off!
– Hard as HECK!
– Lots of weapons, upgrades
– Worst looking game since 1992
– Hard as HECK!
Jets N Guns Gold is a super retro style shoot em up basically ripped right out of the 90’s. There are a number of upgrades and ways to spend fat cash, but with a vertical learning curve I’m left feeling mightily insignificant.
The game has no real graphics settings and is stuck in a 4:3, or stretches disgustingly to fit whatever aspect ratio you run. The graphic design choices are cute for a 90’s arcade feel, but are so poor in interfaces it makes me sad at heart. I really hate the way this game looks. Metal Slug ages beautifully and has some of the greatest arcade art in history x2, Jets N Guns looks like they tried to copy that by just letting an ass do all of the artwork, save it as a jpeg 6 times at 0% quality, then pissed all over it for some texture.
The gameplay is very tough and linear, there are no unexpected twists or mechanics, it is plain and simple a left to right shoot and dodge. Points and cash add up quickly and a large evolving store front allows a number of ship and weapon choices. After the first level I had acquired enough money to max out my current ship or upgrade to a fiery hotdog truck. I chose to dogg it up and found the performance significantly impaired, as I had anticipated. This creates a difficult choice between a fast moving but weak tiny ship, or a slow greasy big bertha. The store allows selling back weapons for what appears to be their full price anyway, so if you die over and over you can easily refit parts and not be screwed monetarily. I like this choice, it suits this game well, and I died a lot.
I have a hard time recommending this game at all though. It is certainly cheap, but so are a billion free flash games on numerous sites. There is very little reason to pay for this when so many others exist with beautiful graphics or much more refined mechanics. I just don’t feel this game is very good, and it definitely isn’t winning any points with its appearances. I would not show this to my mother and expect her to be impressed in any way.
But I don’t hate it. It’s a dirty salty lover like that girl you meet only on Tuesday nights name Cherry behind the KFC dumpster, she only wants like $3 and you get like an hour of fun out it, hey if that’s your entertainment whatevs I don’t judge. I’m just not impressed and there’s a lot of free hottiez out there too.

Jets N’ Guns Gold scores a

2 out of 5



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